I am 31 y/o mother to three girls, 1, 2 and 4. I was Sexually abused as a toddler. Currently in an abussive relationship with the father of my girls. Verbal as well as physical. We have been in this situation for almost five years now. There is no respect between us obviously. What kills me is that he mistreats me in front of the girls. I consider myself educated ( completed some college in early 20’s but did not finish) smart and capable, but I fear leaving him still. We are not married, but i depend on him 100% financially. I have applied to several jobs and even gotten called but I end up declining because they wont pay enough for me to be able to cover child care. I understand i will need counseling and that is how i stumbled upon this page. If any of you know of programs for child care assisstance for battered women i would be so greateful if you could share. That is my main obstacle finding someone to care for my kids. Thanks everyone for sharing your stories, it helps people like me feel not alone.
I want to share my life after I left the abuser. I want to give hope to other women. I need to also share, because our state does not recognize emotional abuse, we are still being abused. He has stopped the physical to my children because he is smart enough to know he would never see any of us again…but the emotional is a constant battle…now my success…
Physical aggression and antisocial behavior are among the most consistently documented childhood outcomes of physical child abuse. Most studies document physical aggression and antisocial behavior using parent or staff ratings (Aber et al., 1990; Hoffman-Plotkin and Twentyman, 1984; Perry et al., 1983; Salzinger et al., 1984); other measures, such as child stories (Dean et al., 1986); or observational measures across a wide variety of situations, including summer camps and day care settings (Alessandri, 1991; Bousha and Twentyman, 1984; Howes and Eldredge, 1985; Howes and Espinosa, 1985; Kaufman and Cicchetti, 1989; Main and George, 1985; Trickett and Kuczynski, 1986; Walker et al., 1989). Some studies indicate that physically abused children show higher levels of aggression than other maltreated children (Hoffman-Plotkin and Twentyman, 1984; Kaufman and Cicchetti, 1989) although other studies indicate that neglected children may be more dysfunctional (Rohrbeck and Twentyman, 1986).
In national surveys in which runaways were asked about their early childhood histories, most runaways do not report having been sexually or physically abused prior to their leaving home. However, abusive experiences in the home may increase the chances of an adolescent's becoming a runaway. Pagelow (1984) noted that "many runaway children are not running toward something, but rather are running away from somethinga home life in which they were subject to abuse, particularly sexual abuse" (p. 49). Only a handful of studies have attempted to describe the extent to which adolescents who run away report experiences with abuse. In two studies, sexual abuse victims were found to have run away from home more often during adolescence than clinical controls (Herman, 1981; Meiselman, 1978). In the 1988 National Survey of Missing, Abducted, Runaway, and Thrownaway Children in America, approximately 3 percent of the runaways reported having been sexually abused and 1 percent physically harmed (Finkelhor et al., 1990). In contrast, in a runaway shelter in Ohio, 75 percent of the youths reported having experienced physical maltreatment (McCord, 1983). One prospective study traced official criminal histories for a large sample of abused and neglected children and matched controls and found direct support for a relationship between early childhood victimization and adolescent running away (Widom, 1991b).7
Clinicians and child protection service workers have recognized the importance of significant persons in the lives of abused and neglected children, yet the role of such individuals in protecting victimized children from long-term negative consequences is poorly documented. In the literature on children's responses to the stress of hospital admissions, for example, a supportive relationship with a nurse reduced emotional disturbance during hospitalization (Visintainer and Wolfe, 1975). For individuals with a history of childhood victimization, the experience of having one biological parent, or foster parent, who provided support and love while growing up was associated with better outcomes in adulthood (Egeland and Jacobvitz, 1984; Egeland et al., 1984). Despite the fact that few competent ''survivors" are found among longitudinal samples of physically or emotionally neglected children (Farber and Egeland, 1987), competent children were more likely to be those children whose mothers showed some interest in them and were able to respond to them emotionally.
P92868 – I have been away from my abuser for 1 year and 10 months, and have such a similar story to you! I found this website today by chance and believe now that it happened for a reason. My hope is to find some type of financial assistance to get back to school and share my story loud and proud like you. Thank You for being an inspiration! -AW
If you were a victim of rape, sexual assault, or sexual abuse and want to share your survivor story or get support from other survivors, consider joining the .
Kolko, D., J. Moser, and S. Weldy
1990 Medical/health histories and physical evaluation of physically and sexually abused child psychiatric patients: A controlled study. 5(4):249-266.